If you need a good laugh, you’ll absolutely adore these funny dog quotes.
As much as I love inspirational or touching quotes about dogs, sometimes I need a humor break.
All of these make me crack a smile even when I’m having a pretty bleak day.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
You will love these cute dog quotes and sayings
Funny Dog Quotes to Brighten Your Day
When your day has been “ruff” and you just want to chill out & read dog quotes, funny is definitely the way to go.
Here are my favorites from Pinterest, Instagram, and GoodRead (my favorite 3 sources for all things quote-related).
1. Assemble now!
Every single time. I don’t think I’ve gone to the bathroom alone since we brought home our first puppy back in 2001!
2. Why you shouldn’t yell
This is why I tell my mom not to yell at the dog for barking! Seriously, there are much better ways to quiet down a dog. 😀
3. Swipe left on that one!
“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” -Bonnie Schacter
Now that’s not a guy I would want to date, either.
4. A broke best friend
Miss Freya is thoroughly convinced I’m made of money and that every cent should go towards getting her new treats & toys!
5. A really good place indeed
Sounds like the best place to be to me!
6. My dog appreciates my genius at least
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” -Christopher Morley
At least my dog always finds me utterly fascinating. She looks at me like, “Wow, I never thought of it that way. You are SO clever!”
7. Dear TV Producers
Every. Single. Time. She finally (FINALLY) settles in for the night and DING DONG goes the door on TV.
Then, we spend 20 minutes exclaiming, “It’s a TV doorbell!”
8. In case it’s a code
It could very well be!
9. Outside a dog
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx
Here’s one of the most classic funny dog quotes! Books are definitely my second best friends, after my dog of course.
10. A “quick” bath
To be fair, dogs have zero concept of time! To them, 30 minutes is “quick!”
Unless, of course, you left the house. Then 30 minutes is “OMG, I thought you were NEVER coming home!”
11. Why we have two hands
If that’s the case, we should have gotten ten hands so we can pet all the dogs!!
12. Sorry, it’s not conclusive
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” -Ann Landers
Then again, dogs only like really wonderful people. So take that, Ann Landers!
13. Why I work so hard
I always joke with my dog, “Nikki has to work now, earn money, buy Freya toys.”
No wonder she assumes every penny I make should go to her!
14. Seriously, don’t believe them
If you ask Freya, we don’t ever feed her. She’s absolutely starving! Can’t you see? Don’t you want to share with her?
She fibs. Plain and simple.
15. The tail is mightier than the tongue
“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.” – Unknown
In other words, take a cue from your dog and stop talking around the point so much. 😀
16. A good fashion philosophy
I’d rather be covered in dog hair than dressed in the finest designer garb! Fortunately, my dog doesn’t shed. Unfortunately, I still can’t afford that designer garb anyway.
17. Tell the others
Let’s make this an official holiday!
18. An important lesson
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted” -Sian Ford
Neither is the neighbor when he rides his bike, the garbage man, or the UPS man (unless he has boxes that smell like dog treats). Also, squirrels are pretty shifty, too.
19. I’m not so picky after all
I always say, if people put even half as much effort into creating world peace as my dog does into find the perfect spot to do her business, we’d be living in Utopia.
20. I’ve changed since then
The best thing about dogs- they know how to let things go and move on! Let’s do the same.
21. They think we’re nuts
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” -John Steinbeck
I’m pretty sure they’re right, too!
22. Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now
They can call back. My dog’s comfort is more important!
23. So sorry for them
What a sad state of affairs for them. I don’t think I’ve had to pick up a single crumb dropped food in almost 20 years!
24. The only friend in Washington
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry Truman
So very, very true!
25. Totally the boss of me
Freya actually does have to have her blankets on the “right” way. I am happy to oblige!