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25 Funny Dog Quotes That’ll Crack You Up

January 21, 2020 By Nicole Etolen Leave a Comment

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If you need a good laugh, you’ll absolutely adore these funny dog quotes.

As much as I love inspirational or touching quotes about dogs, sometimes I need a humor break.

All of these make me crack a smile even when I’m having a pretty bleak day.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

You will love these cute dog quotes and sayings

Funny Dog Quotes to Brighten Your Day

When your day has been “ruff” and you just want to chill out & read dog quotes, funny is definitely the way to go.

Here are my favorites from Pinterest, Instagram, and GoodRead (my favorite 3 sources for all things quote-related).

1. Assemble now!

View this post on Instagram

When privacy means nothing to your fur baby because they must be with you at all times ❤️🐶🤣🚽 #stage5clinger .⁠ .⁠ .⁠ #dogisgood #doghumor #dogcomedy #dogmemes #dogjokes #dogmom #dogmomaf #dogmomprobs #dogmomlife #dogdad #furbaby #furchild #furmama #mydogismyfamily #doglover #dogscorner #dogloversfeed #doggo #dogsofig #dogquotes #funnydogquotes #instapup

A post shared by Dog is Good® (@dogisgood) on Oct 17, 2019 at 12:13pm PDT

Every single time. I don’t think I’ve gone to the bathroom alone since we brought home our first puppy back in 2001!

2. Why you shouldn’t yell

This is why I tell my mom not to yell at the dog for barking! Seriously, there are much better ways to quiet down a dog. 😀

3. Swipe left on that one!

“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” -Bonnie Schacter

Now that’s not a guy I would want to date, either.

4. A broke best friend

View this post on Instagram

▪︎WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS BUYING YOUR DOG NEW TREATS▪︎

A post shared by Pure Paws Dog Bakery (@purepawsdogbakery) on Jul 25, 2019 at 2:21am PDT

Miss Freya is thoroughly convinced I’m made of money and that every cent should go towards getting her new treats & toys!

5. A really good place indeed

Sounds like the best place to be to me!

6. My dog appreciates my genius at least

“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.”  -Christopher Morley

At least my dog always finds me utterly fascinating. She looks at me like, “Wow, I never thought of it that way. You are SO clever!”

7. Dear TV Producers

View this post on Instagram

Mom agrees with me 🤣

A post shared by ACEFACE | Stick Inspector (@ace_the_white_shepherd) on Dec 15, 2019 at 9:13pm PST

Every. Single. Time. She finally (FINALLY) settles in for the night and DING DONG goes the door on TV.

Then, we spend 20 minutes exclaiming, “It’s a TV doorbell!”

8. In case it’s a code

It could very well be!

9. Outside a dog

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx

Here’s one of the most classic funny dog quotes! Books are definitely my second best friends, after my dog of course.

10. A “quick” bath

View this post on Instagram

😴 🐶 👅

A post shared by Dragonfly Products (@dragonfly_products) on Dec 15, 2019 at 11:06am PST

To be fair, dogs have zero concept of time! To them, 30 minutes is “quick!”

Unless, of course, you left the house. Then 30 minutes is “OMG, I thought you were NEVER coming home!”

11. Why we have two hands

If that’s the case, we should have gotten ten hands so we can pet all the dogs!!

12. Sorry, it’s not conclusive

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”  -Ann Landers

Then again, dogs only like really wonderful people. So take that, Ann Landers!

13. Why I work so hard

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.⁠ .⁠ #snuggledogz #dogaccessories #dogfashion #dogquotes #funnydogquotes #bringontheweekend #bestplansarewithyourdog #dogaccessories #spoilyourdog #afterpayit #bestcompanion #loyalfriends #dogsmakelifebetter #dogobssessed #pupperlover #ilovedogs #dogsarelife #dogsmakesmehappy #dogsareawesome #dogloversfeed #doglifestyle #woofwoof #dogsarebetterthanhumans #quoteoftheweek

A post shared by SnuggleDogz (@snuggledogz) on Dec 14, 2019 at 12:00pm PST

I always joke with my dog, “Nikki has to work now, earn money, buy Freya toys.”

No wonder she assumes every penny I make should go to her!

14. Seriously, don’t believe them

If you ask Freya, we don’t ever feed her. She’s absolutely starving! Can’t you see? Don’t you want to share with her?

She fibs. Plain and simple.

15. The tail is mightier than the tongue

“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.” – Unknown

In other words, take a cue from your dog and stop talking around the point so much. 😀

16. A good fashion philosophy

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#dogquotes #pets #dogs #fullypet #dogsofinstagram #doglife

A post shared by Fullypet (@fullypet) on Dec 16, 2019 at 10:07pm PST

I’d rather be covered in dog hair than dressed in the finest designer garb! Fortunately, my dog doesn’t shed. Unfortunately, I still can’t afford that designer garb anyway.

17. Tell the others

Let’s make this an official holiday!

18. An important lesson

“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted”  -Sian Ford

Neither is the neighbor when he rides his bike, the garbage man, or the UPS man (unless he has boxes that smell like dog treats). Also, squirrels are pretty shifty, too.

19. I’m not so picky after all

View this post on Instagram

Ok looks like both my dog and I have some high standards. =) . . #imahappypet #lifewithdogs #dogpersonality #happywithdogs #doglove

A post shared by The Happy Pet Company (@imahappypet) on Dec 16, 2019 at 8:07am PST

I always say, if people put even half as much effort into creating world peace as my dog does into find the perfect spot to do her business, we’d be living in Utopia.

20. I’ve changed since then

The best thing about dogs- they know how to let things go and move on! Let’s do the same.

21. They think we’re nuts

“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.”  -John Steinbeck

I’m pretty sure they’re right, too!

22. Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now

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Love this and so true!! 😍😃🐾❤️😂#LunaNovaPWDs #CharlieBrown . . . . . . #pwd #pwds #portuguesewaterdog #pwdpup #pwdpuppy #portie #portis #portielove #porties #portiepuppy #portuguesewaterdogs #pwdpup #pwdpuppies #pwdpuppy #portiemoments #dogquotes #puppiesofinstagram #puppiesofinsta #dogsofinstagram #dogsofinsta #dogsofig #portuguesewaterdoglove #chiendeauportugais #instapuppy #portugalinvesikoira #portugisiskvattenhund

A post shared by 𝑳𝒖𝒏𝒂𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒂 𝑷𝑾𝑫𝒔 (@lunanovapwds) on Dec 15, 2019 at 6:20pm PST

They can call back. My dog’s comfort is more important!

23. So sorry for them

What a sad state of affairs for them. I don’t think I’ve had to pick up a single crumb dropped food in almost 20 years!

24. The only friend in Washington

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry Truman

So very, very true!

25. Totally the boss of me

View this post on Instagram

I guess they actually are our bosses… #hawtdawglife #barkplaywagrepeat

A post shared by HAWT DAWG • DOG LEADS & BAGS (@hawtdawglife) on Dec 15, 2019 at 10:34am PST

Freya actually does have to have her blankets on the “right” way. I am happy to oblige!

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